A week or so ago( 2??? I Dunno), I wrote about a few tech pieces developed by our “Merican Gov’ment , but I deliberately skipped over the most BADASS Innovations.

Some of these technologies seem familiar as seen in Video Games and Films, but they are all legitimate innovations to Science and War.



The TALOS exoskeleton, in addition to being a BADASS way to use Augmented Reality to read critical data and relay battle strategy is being outfitted with magnetically activated liquid body armor.

Yup, we’re turning soldiers into the Gooey Guy from Terminator 2.





The Raytheon XOS 2 exoskeleton is a suit developed by DARPA that enhances the strength of a soldier in the field in order to ease the stress of kicking ass in the name of “Merica. The XOS 2 uses high-pressure hydraulics to allow the wearer to lift heavy objects at a ratio of 17:1. The Hydraulics are in place to make the suit sound swooshy and totally not explode from being powered from lithium batteries. This is very similar to the HULC suit also in “Merican development by Lockheed Martin. A big difference is that the HULC takes the risk of Lithium Ion batteries to be capable of running 10 MPH with the HULC and 200 lbs of extra gear.


And this is what happens when you read enough comic books.


Troy Hurtubise II an entrepreneur came up with Project Grizzly, a private venture into robotic enhancement that’s goal is to protect the good ole CANADIAN (From Canadia I Suppose) soldiers in the Middle East. The creation is called “The Trojan” and it’s supposedly bullet-proof, knife- proof, explosion-proof, and bear-proof.  While, it does not actually enhance the human condition beyond “Survivability”; Hurtubise inspiration from Star Wars and HALO is commendable. It’d wear one of these when hunting for CANADIA bears.


Meanwhile in Japan:


Tokyo Takes Kaiju Control Seriously
Tokyo Takes Kaiju Control Seriously

Just kidding, it’s just a statue of a humanoid robot from a popular anime series( You know the one).

This is what they are ACTUALLY developing,


Cyberdyne INC has developed HAL a leg-augmentation system that is used as a form of physical therapy for paraplegics. The tiny robots in the legs read electrical impulses send from the brain to the muscles and proceed to help them in the awesome-est way possible. The creator, Dr. Yoshiyuki Sankai, is developing a full-body version to help care-takers assist patients without the stress of back/spinal injury.



This carrot- colored toy is the KURUTAS, a ride able robot made by Suidobashi Heavy Industry that weighs 4,500 KG (Do your own damn metric- imperial conversion) and is aboot 13 ft tall.

It features weapons like a gatling gun that can fire 6000 BB’s a minute….. when you smile, a launcher type arm for “fireworks”, a pilebunker  for stabbing shit, and a human-hand/claw for those more intimate moments. And also, It can be piloted remotely via 3G network, in case you really need to rain machine-y death via Skype.

It’s actually production line ready and can probably be available….. on Amazon no less; It’ll only cost $1.4M ‘Merica dollars. Sorry no Amazon Prime available.

And this is the kiddie version, a robot built with the specific goal of being a walker….


Developed by Sakakibara Kikai Co, this walking death machine is supposed to be the next innovation in expensive useless child toys to buy love in the wake of a divorce or robot uprising. It’s only function seems to be a walker, but have no fear; the company also develops other strange “toys” like Tanks for Dogs…..


" I Demand 1 Billion Dollars Worth of Milkbones!"
” I Demand 1 Billion Dollars Worth of Milkbones!”

We’re All Going To Die.


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